Great Britain > Cornwall
By Jessica Lloyd

Cornwall is not England!
Back in ye days of olde, Cornwall was its own entity run by its own kingdom, much like Wales or Scotland. In fact, there are records that show Cornwall existed before England did, in an official capacity. The first Queen Elizabeth was known to have accepted Cornwall as its own place, but somewhere along the line with no official warning or in fact, any official anything Cornwall just ‘became’ part of England.

This is thought to have occurred when a map drawn up by the English didn’t separate Cornwall. Any Cornish person will argue until the cows come home that Cornwall is not England. And they are quite correct, though this may not always be clear or obvious. The issue has been clouded over, but it is hoped in due time (and no doubt with lots more arguing) Cornwall will be recognised as it used to be a country in its own right.

The proof that Cornwall is not England is apparent to any visitor. Surf beaches, cloudless skies and longer days all characterise this little slice of paradise tucked away down one end of Great Britain these things do not typically remind anyone of cold, grey England. The names are more Welsh than English (Cornish actually), with the ‘had-a-go-on-the-keyboard-with-no-particular-word-in-mind’ place names, such as Halworgi, Gwyn Dowr or Rys an Gwraghes.

Cornwall is where ‘emmets’ (non-Cornish people, i.e. the English) go for summer holidays and short sunny breaks. The weather is better than the rest of Britain, and the atmosphere is very villagy. There is not a sky scraper in sight, with the nearest tallest things are old engine houses that stand quietly in fields, long disused, from mining days. Everything is made of big non-symmetrical stones, and is old. Like, really old. Cornwall is a very historical place.

The birthplace of Cornish pasties
A Cornish pasty is like a meat pie, but a different shape, and has other ingredients like potato and swedes (turnips). They can be big or small, but a traditional Cornish pasty is large, with crimped edges. They were made like that so when the miners were having their lunch, they could hold on to the large crusted edge, and eat the pasty, without having to wash their hands they could just throw the firm crust away when they were finished. Someone was thinking!

Penzance ghost and goblin central
You are twice as likely to see a UFO, and three times more likely to see a ghost in the 216 miles that make up West Cornwall (Penzance) than any other place in Britain. With crop circles, tales of ghosts, ghouls and goblins, it would appear psychic phenomena is fairly common. Penzance has been called the epicentre of Britain’s own Bermuda Triangle, and has been so named the Penzance Triangle. Studies conducted have confirmed the presence of things.

Cornishmen and Cornishwomen
Cornish people have their own language, although many of them don’t speak it. The reason for this is the English took over and sort of banned Cornish language, and overtook everything with English. Again. It is thought that the Cornish and the Welsh were the first inhabitants of the United Kingdom, and this is why the languages are so similar. Cornish speak with a curly accent like this:

Ello me lover, ee’s some lovely to see ee! Commost on in an I’ll put on a nice dish-of-tay and we can have a sit down. Woss this weather then? I don’t believe we seen the sun for a fortnight and this ere drizzle make my joints some bad.

They call cauliflowers broccoli, broccoli calebray, and swedes turnips. Go figure. Welcome to Cornwall!

The people are laid back and appreciate a relaxed lifestyle. With only 500,000 people living in Cornwall it’s easy to know everybody, and knowing everybody brings a real sense of community. In other words, everyone knows everybody else’s business. Cornish people love to party, and the weekends are full on, with live music, loads of pubs (of course) and an open-late club where everyone usually ends up. Overall, a very pleasant atmosphere and a good feel about the place.

What’s to do in Cornwall?
It takes a couple of hours to drive around and look at the scenery. If you want to catch some of the fading rays of a vibrant sunset, head to Land’s End, or anywhere facing WEST. Land’s End is privately owned, and in high season it costs money to visit here. St Ives is one of the larger villages, with other smaller ones being the likes of Penzance yes, the birth place of the Pirates of Penzance musical Truro and Falmouth.

There are some odd stone constructions, such as the Merry Maidens, propped up in strange places from many centuries ago seemingly random fields which are now home to sheep and cows, but once were obviously deemed something special to someone. There is a little story that goes with everything, though the details of some have been lost, and no doubt changed, as time went by.

An example of such a story concerns the Merry Maidens. The Merry Maidens story depending which version you get consists of a load of chicks off dancing in the fields to the music of two (evil) pipers, on a sacred day. They were supposed to be doing something religious, but were off dancing instead. Of course they all get struck by lightening for being so disrespectful, and were cast into stone. Seems a bit harsh, but, naughty girls must be punished! At least they have a good view.

The Eden project, a massive artfully and beautifully constructed green house, has recently come to life, providing one of the UK’s biggest tourist attractions. You will find tropical birdlife, plants and water features in this enclosure.

In summer, the beach is crowded and the population doubles. To look at, Cornwall is easy on the eye, with quite a few interesting and special oddities to stare at and take photos of. As much as it seems to be stuck in ye olde days, there is every modern convenience like horse drawn carriages, central heating, and fish and chips.

Getting around
The roads are reasonable, with very few potholes, but lots of narrow bits where you can hardly see around the bend. The roads weren’t designed for cars, and this is blindingly obvious as you curl your way up through the steep streets in the villages, or around the laneways on the coastline.

Funny stuff
The Cornish are forever defending their land and customs against the presumptuous English. It is a never ending battle, and one that really shouldn’t have to be fought Cornwall is just like Wales or Scotland, with its own language, customs and history. Cornish are fiercely proud people, though they don’t mind taking the mickey out of themselves. The Cornwall county Sheriffs office compiled a list of the 1000 funniest names on their records. This is the top ten:

1.Offspring Gurney
2.Fozzitt Bonds
3.Charity Chilly
4.Susan Booze
5.Abraham Thunderwolff
6.Obedience Ginger
7.Boadicea Basher
8.Truth Bullock
9.Philadelphia Bunnyface
10.Faithful Cock

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